Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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