If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
