people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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