Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
