So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
