He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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