Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
