Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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