I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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