why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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