apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
