I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
