Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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