I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
