i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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