spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
