How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
