i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
