Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize