I wish i was in the wii world.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
