When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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