It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
