Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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