"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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