it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
