Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
