How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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