I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
