thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
