i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
