My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm like, not good at living.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
