If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
