i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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