I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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