Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
