she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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