My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
