Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
