I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
