Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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