You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
