is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
