Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
