No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
