He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
