im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
