I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
