we were pretty classy up until the second keg
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
