I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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