Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
