Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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