ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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