your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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