omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
