apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize