I wannas sexs uuuuu
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I intend to get homeless drunk
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
