Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
