I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
