Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
