Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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