I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
