Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
