hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
