At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I touched a dick in church today
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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