hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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