I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
