FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
