I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
