I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
