How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
