i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My dick has a subreddit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize