there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
