it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
