You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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