I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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