i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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