not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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