I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's rum buckets o'clock
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
