Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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